Wishing
by ghostlyandcoastly
Summary: Summary: (AU) Donna didn't go back to the Bartlet For America campaign. Five years later, Josh runs into her when they go to California to help Sam's floundering campaign.
1. Thrust into the past

**AN Hello! I was trying to write part 2 for my other JD story but this came to mind instead... I didn't really proofread this so uh read at your own risk**

Josh knew he should have listened to Marla. That was a sentence he had gotten used to hearing in his head for the past ten months. Marla had been his assistant for a year now- the longest run he's had with one. The first month she was there he practically ignored her. But Marla was not a woman you ignored. A month and a half later, he tried to fire her. She had laughed and then asked him if his parents were only children.

"Excuse me?" He had said.

"You heard me. Did you have any aunts or uncles?"

"I- what?! Sure. I had an aunt."

"Was she one of those doting ones?"

"Marla, I'm sure there's a reason you're wasting my time."

"Here's the thing. You're a man child. You don't need a mother. You need an auntie. So I'm stayin' and you should get used to it."

He fought against it- firing her a few more times-futilely for about two weeks before giving in. Now he didn't see how he got by without someone as efficient running his office. This particular evening the reason for his _Marla was right_ inner monologue was an upset stomach. Marla had warned him to eat before he left on Air Force One. Sure, they had food on board but more to Josh's appetite, they had M&M's- which Marla knew he'd end up downing as opposed to nutrients with protein and carbs.

Josh is making notes on the Republican tax plan furiously when CJ shakes him and informs them they're landing. He feels conflicted about seeing Sam. On one hand, there's the potential to hurt his campaign. On the other, he's excited to see his best friend again. And he wanted to know what Sam meant last night when they were on the phone.

"Listen, Scott Holcomb is a wet mop but you do look good up there." Josh said.

"Thanks. It'll be nice to see you guys again." Sam replied. And then added cryptically, "And there might be another face who will be excited to see you."

When Josh pushed for more information, Sam had skirted around him artfully before telling him he had to go. Now Josh was trying to figure out who the hell Sam could have been talking about. He hoped it wasn't Mandy. The DNC did send Scott Holcomb- they might make two bad decisions.

But once wheels touched down, he was too busy to think about it. It wasn't until halfway through the first day that he thought about it again. He made a mental note to mention it to Sam. An hour later, the mental note was rendered mute.

He heard a familiar peel of laughter. He hadn't heard it in a long time but he knew it immediately. He turned and saw the back of a blond head, talking to CJ.

"Donnatella Moss." He greeted, unable to resist grinning.

"Joshua! Can you believe Donna is working on Sam's campaign!? Why did you ever let her go?" CJ says before Donna has even fully turned around. Her heart thumps looking into his dimpled face. He looks tired but he also looks like _Josh._

"I really don't know." Josh replies to CJ but doesn't take his eyes off of Donna.

She knows she shouldn't be shocked to see him. Hell, she'd been preparing for this mentally all week. But seeing him in person was a whole other can of worms.

"Hi." She finally says, wanting to hit herself for not being able to form a more coherent response.

"Well, I'll just leave you two to catch up." CJ said and went to go find Toby.

"So come here often?" Josh jokes. She laughs a little before biting her lip, not sure whether to tell him the whole story or not.

"I've been working the communications department. Media management stuff." She tells him.

"California is a long way from Wisconsin." He comments.

"It is." She pauses and breaks eye contact for the first time since turning around. "It's kind of a long story."

"I've got time." He says and it takes about a nanosecond later for someone to yell his name.

"Sounds like you don't." She says, looking back up at him.

"Well, yeah. I'm a very important man. But tonight. Maybe. If you wanted- to, um, go to dinner and catch up."

"Are you asking me on a date, Josh Lyman?" She asks, feeling a little more confident.

"One could call it that, if, ya know, they wanted."

"Hmm… well, I'll have to make a few calls, I'm a very busy woman, you know. But I think I can pencil you in."

"Good." He's still smiling like a fool and he can't resist it as he goes to hug her. He whispers in her ear, "Don't disappear this time, Donnatella."

"I won't." She promises.

During dinner in the hotel restaurant, they never make it around to the subject of why she left and what she's been doing since and how she got to California. They talk about everything else though. Neither of them really were hungry enough for a dessert but they didn't want it to end so they split a piece of tiramisu.

The waiter brought the check and Josh felt his stomach drop. He'd be wheels up in Air Force One after tomorrow's morning rally. He didn't want to say goodbye to Donna.

"So… there are a couple of things we didn't get to." Josh mentions as casually as he can. Donna sighs a little and he thinks of that noise in a very different context, from what feels like a lifetime ago.

"That's true…"

"Do you want to, uh, come up?" he asks, feeling nervous. She looks at her watch and panics a little.

"Josh, I want to. Trust me but-"

"It's fine, don't worry about it."

"No, it's not what you- I mean, I'm not _turning you down_. Maybe just a raincheck? It's just, it's really late and… I just have to get home." She feels herself deflating a bit and she's not able to tell him the whole truth… again.

"Of course, wouldn't want to deprive you of your beauty sleep." Josh jokes but she doesn't miss the hint of rejection in his eyes. The waiter saves her from replying by bringing the check back. Josh signs it and then they're getting up. And she does something impulsive.

She kisses him. And it doesn't take long for him to kiss her back. It feels like a million little electric shocks in the best possible way. She just wants to meld her body to his and not let go. But she can't so she pulls away.

They're both a little breathless.

"Uh…" Josh mutters intelligently. Fulbright scholar, that he is.

"Yup."

"What just…"

"I still have to go. But if you're ever in California again, I'm your first call." She hugs him and they hold on longer than they should. He kisses her cheek. And the ride up to his hotel room is lonely.

"Sooo…" CJ begins the next morning. "Joshua, did you have a nice time last night?" CJ looks at him expectedly over the table.

"CJ…" Josh says, rubbing his hand over his face. He didn't get much sleep last night and when he did, he couldn't get the feel of Donna out of his dreams.

"Wait… Did you go out with Donna!?" Sam asks.

"You! Why didn't you tell me she was here?" Josh accuses.

"I thought this would be more entertaining." Sam smiles. "So did you guys get the chance to talk everything out?"

"Uh, not really. We talked about, ya know, everything else. But not the, um, touchy ones."

"Wait, so she didn't tell you…" Sam trails off.

"Tell me what?"

"Oh. God. It's not really my place, Josh."

"Sam." Josh glares at him.

"She, uh, well she's a mom." Josh feels himself go white.

"How old is the kid?" He manages to croak out.

"Five and-" Josh doesn't hear the next part of what Sam says because he's bolted through the door.

"You don't think…" CJ begins.

"Honestly? I don't know. I didn't want to ask." Sam says.

Josh meanwhile was scanning the Seaborn campaign war room for a blond head of hair with a lot of explaining to do. The puzzle pieces were coming together. Five years ago, Donna and him had slept together. They were together for a few weeks and then, she left. To go back to her boyfriend. Or at least, that's what she'd said. He knew now she had been pregnant. And now he had to know if the kid was his.


	2. The puzzle pieces

Donna was in an equally sour and great mood. The latter because the kiss she'd shared with Josh still lingered on her lips, and the dream she'd had last night had left her with a smile on her face when she woke up. She was sour because her five year old had woken up with a fever and she'd had to find a last minute babysitter and had been late to work and she knew that Josh was leaving today. She knew there were things she should say but fear and worry gripped her.

"Donna-" Josh cut her thoughts off as she leaned over a computer looking at some numbers. She turned shocked.

"Oh, hi." She was smiling now but the anger in his features was now evident to her. Her expression grew grim.

"Is there somewhere private we can talk?" Josh asked. Donna could hear the barely controlled restraint in it. Her stomach dropped. _Someone told him. Oh, god. I should've told him last night. Oh no. Oh no._ Her internal monologue was panicking.

"Yeah. Let's, um, you can follow me." She lead him down the hall into one of the business areas that was mostly empty save a few staffers. "Hey, Linda, Chris, could you guys give us the room for a minute?" She asked, smiling as if nothing were wrong. Soon they were alone and she slowly turned to face him. "Sam told you."

"That's what you're going to say!?" Josh attempted to control his volume but he wasn't very practiced at it. Donna bristles at his tone.

"Look, I'm sorry I didn't tell you last night but you can't-"

"Is he- or she- mine?" Josh asks, looking a little desperate. Donna immediately softens.

"No, Josh. He's not." She practically whispers. She can see the relief on his face. But more so the disappointment and it breaks her heart. "Believe me, there have been more days than I care to admit that I wish he was…"

"Oh, um. I'm sorry then. I guess it's not my business. It's just Sam said he was five and I figured maybe…" Josh looks uncomfortable.

"Can you… Let's just sit down. I'd really like to explain all of this." Donna sits. Josh stands, running his hands through his hair.

"Nah, that's okay. You don't owe me. We're really busy anyways-"

"Josh?" He looks at her again. "Sit down."

"Ah-kay." He sits across from her.

"Okay. Um, so there's parts of this that I don't know how to say, parts of it that… I'm not the proudest of but I was young and I was scared and I don't know…" She feels that same urge to shy away from telling him.

"Donna, I'm not going to judge you." He says in a soft, very un-Joshlike voice.

"I'll just- um, launch right into it. When we, ya know, a couple weeks later I remembered that I hadn't, that I was late two months in a row. The first month I wrote off to being stressed, ya know. Leaving Paul, upheaving my life for Bartlet for America, adjusting to campaign pace. But the second month, we'd been… together for a minute and we weren't great at, ya know, remembering certain precautions and I got a little worried so I took a test and I was pregnant. So I went to the doctor's office. And Josh, when they told me I was nine weeks pregnant and I realized that it was… Dr. Freeride's, as you called him… I was so sad and honestly, that should have been a sign to not go back and try anything with him but I felt like I owed him, and the baby. And so I went back. And I left you. And I couldn't tell you why because it hurt too much and I was still coming to terms with it. And I didn't want you to hate me." Donna was surprised she wasn't crying during this. To be fair, it took her a fair bit to cry these days. She had thick skin.

"Donna, I wouldn't have hated you!" Josh exclaims.

"You don't know that. But thank you."

"So, uh, you aren't with Freeride anymore, right?"

"HA! No. I was in a car accident, like a month or two after I left-"

"You were in a car accident?" Josh looks so sweet and concerned Donna's heart heals a little bit.

"Yeah, it was no big deal. Really. Just a sprained ankle."

"Seriously, though. A car accident?"

"Josh, it was only my ankle. I was fine. That's not the point. The point is I called him. To come pick me up. And on the way… he stopped and met some friends of his for a beer." Donna sharply inhaled.

"He… had a beer. On the way to pick up his injured pregnant girlfriend!?" Josh was pissed.

"He had had plans that night, he stopped to tell them he couldn't… It doesn't matter. Yeah, it was shitty. And I realized he wasn't going to be the man he needed to be."

"Or a man, at all apparently."

"Yeah… Anyways. I let him meet the baby and visit every once in a while but other than I cut him out of our lives. And I raised Liam with the help of my sister and Paul wasn't around most of the time and honestly, it was fine. But then he dropped out of medical school- or was kicked out- and started drinking a lot and then we didn't see him for a long time. But then he showed up when Liam was almost three and he was sober and trying to make up for stuff and wanted to be a part of Liam's life. And so he was around for a little while…" Donna froze up, not wanting him to see her as weak or stupid or whorish.

"Donna?"

"I just- at the time, things were really hard. And I was in a lot of debt because I had finished college and I was trying to pay for daycare and work two jobs and things sucked. And I don't know. But we moved back in with Paul and I didn't mean to… I didn't want a relationship with…" Donna hears Josh suck in a breath of air sharply but she just stared at the table. "But it happened and then I was pregnant again and things were okay for a while until they weren't and Paul started drinking again and so I left with a three year old and two month old and I moved to California because I had gotten a job working for in the state legislature there and I needed a new start and now here I am. I have a five year old and a two year old and I love them and I love my job… most days… and I wish some things had been different but… there you go."

It took awhile for the silence to break. Josh reached for her hand. Looking up, she saw him give her a small smile.

"For what it's worth, I think you're an incredible person."

They talked for a little bit longer. He asked her questions about her kids, about her work on the campaign. She asked him about life in The White House. Eventually C.J. found them and told Josh they had to get going. It was an awkward goodbye but one that held a promise for more.

 **AN sorry this update is a little short/fillerish- I have 30-50 page play due in a few hours that I technically haven't started but I wanted to get this up so here ya go! Like I said this chapter is a bit of a filler but next chapter will be where the story really kicks off**


End file.
